Crazy for you

Wife: I don't know why im so crazy about you. 
Husband: I just know why I'm crazy about myself. Because I don't have a choice

Problems

"The problem with our problems is that I don't have any problems with our problems." - Husband

Sitcom

Following the revelation that sitcom means situation comedy, husband muses "what's wrong with the situations in other comedies?"

Facebook trouble

"It's really wonderful that you have 600 friends that are waiting to hear about the weather, but you married me so can you make me some f***ing breakfast?"

Through his stomach

Hubby told me if he wasn't already married to me he would marry me immediately. yes, i fed him.

Choices

‎"There is always something less horrible than something else. There is always a choice" - Husband

Buddhism

"I'm not a Buddhist. I'm just a piece of shit producing accidentally some kind of a mind." - Husband

Fatherly advice

"If I have a child, I will tell him two things: 1. Don't be an arsehole. 2. Have fun. That's a contradiction, isn't it?" - Husband

Atheism

"I can be more Athiest than Catholic, because it is less dangerous for the world." - Husband

Fadupadas

wondering if showing hubby Kath and Kim season 1 in one screening was a good idea because now he is constantly searching for my fadupadas and saying "mmm that's noice, different, unusuual"

Television

Husband: I want to watch the film
Me: If I downloaded this film, you would never, under any circumstance, watch it.
Husband: It's television. Do you understand what that is?
Me: No. Can you explain it to me?
Husband: This is the tool by which you can watch something you will never watch by choice, but it's keeping you on the same planet as other people.


I had no comeback.

Young, beautiful and free

Husband (drunk): We are young, beautiful and free!
Wife (also drunk): The fact that we think that at our age demonstrates that we are none of those things, because when you ARE young, beautiful and free, you never realise it. So we are definitely not young beautiful and free!
Husband: Yes that's true, but at least we're not saying oh God, is this it? What happened to my life?

Čech

‎"I'm a Czech patriot, but I'm not Czech. It's like if you're a fan of Chelsea, but you don't play football" - Husband

Like this

last night I referred to myself in the third person in conversation with my husband and he responded with a thumbs up and said "Pavel likes this". He is not on facebook. We are living in strange times.

Is it a draw?

Me: "You're your own worst enemy honey."
Husband: "Yeah I know. I've been fighting myself for almost 40 years. And I'm winning... and I'm also losing."

Adopt-a-shot

Wife: I think in 5-6 years I want to adopt.

Husband: Slow down. Let's have a shot first.

Oprah

I want to renew my vows with my husband because he doesn't know who Oprah is

Sandos

Wife: Who is Sandos?
Husband: (with a look of disbelief) Sandos is the Swiss pharmaceutical company where Hoffman discovered LSD. If it from Sandos, it is the best.

Typist

"You type like a secretary from 1976" - Husband

Limbo

Husband: (whilst watching people do the limbo in a Police Academy movie) Did you ever do that?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: What's it for?
Wife: I have no idea

Sanity

‎"It's good that we are both insane, because if only one is insane, it's usually not going well" - Husband

Mindrak

Husband: (trying to describe the meaning of a word) Mindrak! You're not having it, but some people do and you can't talk to them!
(Wife searches meaning of "mindrak" on google)
Wife: Oh, "complex"?
Husband: Yes, mindrak!

Admiration

Wife: I'm just admiring you
Husband: I don't know what that means, so it can't disturb me

< 3

sent hubby a ♥ and he said "what is it? less than 3? 2?"

Royal Wedding

there has been so many good ones today, but I think my favourite moment was when he said "she looks like a lemon" of the Queen. Couldn't believe my eyes when I got home and he was watching the wedding.

Thigh

Husband: "I can't believe that even means something..."thigh" (scoffs). Sounds like nothing!"

Facebook

Husband: After you will have 1000 friends on Facebook I will leave you

Solitaire

Wife: Honey, are you gonna spend the rest of your life with me?
Husband: (playing solitaire) Yeah, but in a while, ok?

Hooray or Bravo

‎"If it's possible then 'Hooray', if it's not possible then 'Bravo'" - Husband

American Breakfast

Husband: I want that thing that Americans are having for breakfast.
Wife: Donuts?
Husband: No, not American policemen. That thing you put in milk.
Wife: Cereal?
Husband: Yeah!
Perhaps, we have both watched too much Simpsons...